Three Mindset Shifts I Embraced for More Authentic Networking

Authentic networking matters for your career and your well-being.

I started networking when I was in university. I’d joined a committee with my local Chamber of Commerce and, as part of that role, I was invited to attend their various networking events.

At that stage, I didn’t think much about what makes authentic networking enjoyable. I was simply there to connect with others, share ideas, and learn about their roles and career paths. Networking was fun. It was light!

Once I graduated and joined the workforce, however, my sentiments toward networking changed. As I was given business development goals and as I grasped the importance of networking for career progression, networking took on a different aura. I became hyper-focused on what I needed to achieve from networking: the mentors and sponsors I needed to find to move my career forward and the prospects and partners I needed to meet my business development goals. The joy slowly seeped out of networking for me and, over time, it turned into something I dreaded.

In this article, I will talk about how to get back to enjoying networking and making it work for you.

I believe that all things are what we make of them. Nothing in life is inherently meaningful. We attribute meaning to all things. Networking is no exception.

Below, I share three mindset shifts that helped me find more meaning in networking and get back to enjoying it.

Shift #1: Shift from outcomes to connections in authentic networking.

When we obsess over what we need to get from networking, networking can feel draining and, if we don’t feel we made any measurable progress towards our goals, it can feel like a waste of time.

While we each have goals that often drive us to network in the first place, it is important to remember that those goals are medium- or long-term.

In other words, they are not the immediate goal of networking. The immediate goal and true value of networking is to build connections and community, to connect for the sake of connecting.

When we consider “community”, we often think of our friends and family. However, community also consists of those people we have more casual interactions with. These are often referred to as light touch connections or casual connections and include quick conversations with a cashier at the grocery store, a barista at a coffee shop, or a neighbour. Studies have shown that these types of interactions are integral to our happiness, sense of belonging, and well-being.

However, over time, and especially in the last two decades, our opportunities to have these types of casual interactions have decreased dramatically, due in large part to technology. Consider the impact of food delivery apps, online shopping, online banking, share ride apps, and headphones on our likelihood to have casual conversations with others.

Networking is one of the few places where we can still have these casual connections, connections that, as explained above, our well-being depends on. So, when we take this lens, networking is never a waste of time. The worst-case scenario is that you chat with a few people and don’t make any longer-term connections but your well-being still gets a boost from the casual interactions. The best-case scenario is that your well-being gets a boost from the interactions and you make some great new connections who may be able to help you out with your business development or career progression goals.

Shift #2: Shift from performance to growth in authentic networking.

When networking, it can be easy to fall into the trap of feeling like we constantly have to impress others. This turns networking into a kind of high-pressure performance that is exhausting and unenjoyable.

Every interaction we have for the purposes of networking is an opportunity to learn.

We grow by hearing others’ stories, their career paths, their opportunities, their hopes, their lessons.

Perhaps less obviously but arguably more importantly, networking helps us grow by giving us an opportunity to face our discomfort. Most of us don’t love networking and, as such, we tend to avoid it. However, facing discomfort is how we grow. We do not grow when things feel easy or comfortable. We grow when they don’t.

When it comes to networking, by showing up, even (especially) when we don’t feel ready to do so, we allow ourselves to grow. We often wait to feel confident before doing something but taking action is the very thing that allows our confidence to build.

This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t take steps to make networking feel less daunting. One way of doing this is to set micro-goals for ourselves. As an example, rather than challenging yourself to “work the whole room”, set a goal to chat with one or two or three people.

The key is to get yourself to the event, even when you’re nervous, even when you feel you’re not ready… and then watch as your learning and your confidence soar.

Shift #3: Shift from big events to authentic networking in all moments.

Many of us feel that we aren’t networking unless we are in a room with nametags and business cards. When we adopt such a narrow view of what constitutes networking, we not only inadvertently cut ourselves off from opportunities but we also fail to see just how much networking we may already be doing.

There is a place for organized networking events. As I mentioned above, they are excellent sources of connection and can get us out of our comfort zone. However, if the goal of networking is, first, to connect and, second, to grow, then we can do it just about anywhere. It can be so much more than going to formal events.

Consider things like chatting with someone in the elevator on the way up to your office, the chit-chat that might happen before a meeting starts, catching up with someone in the lunchroom, connecting with people at workshops or association events. I encourage you to think even more broadly. Having conversations with other parents during kids’ activities or other adults during your own hobbies and activities. Do you strike up conversations while standing in line or sitting in a doctor’s waiting room? We have the opportunity to meet people and network everywhere. So, be open to seeing these connections as part of your network.

If you worry that this feels predatory or disingenuous, I encourage you to revisit the first two shifts I talked about in this article. The immediate goals of networking are to connect and grow. They are not to get new business or find a new job. Those are longer-term goals. There is nothing offensive about wanting to connect with others and learn from them. What is offensive is viewing people as a means to an end.

Let authentic networking work for you.

For networking to work for us, we need to give it a chance to be the things we want it to be. If you view networking as an unpleasant necessity, it will never be more than that for you. On the other hand, if you accept that it can be more and that it can lead to connection and allow you to grow, then it will live up to that expectation, too. Life is what we make of it. Let networking work for you.

Bring authentic networking to your team.

If you want to help your team build stronger people-centric skills, I deliver keynotes and workshops that help people strengthen connection, collaboration, and confidence so they can thrive together at work.

Learn more about my Corporate Training programs or explore my Speaking topics. I also work with organizations to customize sessions that meet their specific goals.

All posts on my website are written by me, not by A.I.